WIGYA April Fools Day.Posted: April 1, 2011
We’ve fallen behind on our feature, WELL I’M GLAD YOU ASKED, and for that, we apologize. I encourage you to refresh your memory about the nature of WIGYA. Oh, yeah, did I mention that we’ve decided to use the hilarious sounding “wig-ya” as our abreev for this For Shame! feature. Well, we have.
So, the other day, MRG, JAF and I were chatting about some people who had sex a long time ago (as we so often do) and MRG rather promptly changed the subject and said with a glint of mischief in her eye, “LHB! What is the origin of April Fools Day?”
This was my response:
Long, long ago in the days of Yore, there was a princess named April. Because people named their kids after months then. I suppose way way back in the days before yore, people were naming months after themselves. But anyway, this was roughly in between those times. You understand perfectly, I’m sure. So Princess April of the Kingdom Faloopisia was sort of gullible. Like, bitch would believe ANYTHING you told her. And she really hated being tricked. So she made her father send out a decree to all the kingdom that no one would be allowed to trick her or make her a fool in any way. So the decree went out into the kingdom on rolled and tea-stained parchment, fastened to tree trunks with antique arrows, and everyone in the kingdom was made to read it and swear by it that they would never attempt to trick the young princess April.
Well, April was hott (with two t’s) and probably had a pretty nice bod. But most importantly, she was a princess and came with a dowry the size of….something really big. And a lot of handsome princes wanted to marry her. And they would go meet her in her castle and she would listen to them be totally serious and princely with her and then she’d doze off because they were so boring. She was starting to think she’d be alone forever. But then a young man named Allen who came from a prosperous middle class family was like, “I want to get me some Princess April ass. But I’m going to have to break the LAW to do it.”
So on the first of the month that was the Princess’s namesake, he shows up at the castle and waits patiently in her waiting chamber area and finally gets in to see her. And he’s like, “PRINCESS! You’re not going to believe what happened to me this morning.”
And she yawned and said, “Oh yeah? Hit me.” And he goes, “So, I was walking here, right, from my village a few miles down the river, and a pink dolphin jumped out of the water and started flying next to me! So I jumped on its back and flew here to you.”
Princess April almost peed in her pants, she thought this was the coolest thing she’d ever heard. And she said, “NO WAY!! THAT IS AMAZING!! I WISH I COULD HAVE BEEN THERE!!!!”
And he said, “Princess April, no. That didn’t really happen. But wasn’t it a great story and didn’t you have fun imagining it?! That’s what our life together would be! An amazing story and a wild ride.”
For a moment, the princess was irate and was thinking to herself, “Did this guy miss the memo or some shit?!” But then she looked into his eyes and could see that he had the best of intentions and thought to herself, “Maybe a little joke or a trick isn’t so bad after all. Like, if it only happens once a year.”
They were married that day and she had a new decree sent out which stipulated that one day a year there will be joking and jollity and tricks everywhere in the kingdom and it will henceforth be known as “April Fool’s Day.”
And that’s the April Fool’s Day WIGYA. You’re very welcome for that totally factual and not at all untrue historical information.