Search Term Referrals: Part Drei.

In one of the great paradoxes of our time, we here at For Shame! seem to find it far easier to crank out utterly hilarious and brilliantly lewd stories of ye olde sex times when we have the crushing pressure of academia surrounding us, rather than now, during a blissful book-learning interlude, in which the most challenging things we’ve been reading are unintentionally funny youtube comment-wars on largely benign videos and picture-based interviews with Michael Fassbender. Is this because we’re gluttons for punishment? Is this because we’re lazy and feel we don’t have to do anything for the internet when we also don’t have to do anything for ‘the real world?’ Is this because we’re just motherfucking enjoying our motherfucking break and watching shitloads of Bravo until our motherfucking brains drip out our ears? It’s a toss-up.

But in the spirit of not totally dropping off the face of the blogosphere, we’re providing you with another dose of paradox: a search-terms post. You love ’em, they take almost no effort on our part, so whatever. Why work hard at this point? Work will happen soon enough, and things like ‘theses,’ and ‘lectures,’ and ‘recreational adderall,’ will make our brains drip out our ears, not Patti Stanger.

what a wonderful world this would be – if this blog got really famous and the three of us never had to worry about anything ever again.

skin tight jeans giving head – I guess if they’re tight enough…

why don’t i know about john ruskin – Because you’re not MRG.

ben franklin beaver hat – I want one.

shame of adultery – Ranked on the shame scale between the ‘shame of catholicism’ and the ‘shame of leaving half a centimeter of milk in the bottom of the carton then putting it back in the fridge.’

ezra pound big cock – I wonder if this person wanted to know if Ezra Pound had a large penis or if he was sort of a grumpy jerk.

did lillie langtry like to fuck – I don’t know.  Probably.  Don’t you?

inglourious basterds restaurant goebbels sex scene gif – Sorry we didn’t provide you with this (even though it’s not a gif, i know)

drawings of hearts with fire – The new chainsaw art.

what did lucius malfoy do that was so shameful – WELL FOR STARTERS he treated Dobby like shit. And he worked actively for the destruction of peace and happiness in the wizarding world. And he also killed Heath Ledger in The Patriot. I’d say those are the three biggies.

bestest sex story in hindi – This request came from our favoritest reader.

red sores on tip of penis – Oh fuck. We’re a lot of things, but we’re not WebMD.

prince albert gangbang  – In a can.

hot wet hore – Bitch, we don’t make spelling mistakes like that.

henry, why didn’t you like this? i will like it when you give me a male heir. also, liking your own status is tacky, everyone knows that – This one speaks for itself, I think.

classic six wives of henry viii porn – Sure, this guy wants to watch porn. But he wants to watch classic, historical porn. That’s a catch, ladies.

did anne bolynne give henry the 8th a blowjob – Yeah, probably.  I mean, she lived in France for a while, didn’t she?

example of bromance Too many to count.

sex titanic – 2012’s most popular honeymoon theme.

makemefierce porn – No, make ME fierce!

hey baby want some adame west penis – As in Adam West, the thespian famous for his brilliant and subtle portrayal of graphic literature’s greatest facist super-vigillante,  or A Dame West, the forgotten, transgendered member of Britain’s landed gentry? Either way, baby want some of he/she’s penis. Can’t argue with that.

lee pace underwear – I must change mine now.

stds on penis – Ew.  Why? Why us?

sexy male nutcracker – Where? I want one.

martha stewart halloween – MRG is so honored that you ended up on her humble blog, whomever (that’s right) you are.

fanny white sickles – …cell anemia?

col sanders uniform You’re fucking welcome.

farewell kate winslet nudity – Yeah, those titties are goin’ back in the Disney Vault.

jamie bond the prince – Not, in fact, the youthful moniker adopted by the international spy and poon-tackler, but this guy.

homosexual romanovs – The best kind of Romanovs.

irishman banging sheep – MRG doesn’t hate the sounds of that. She’s not proud.

tudor boobs – The best kind of boobs.

ring shaped psoriasis – I MEAN REALLY.

suicide girls hella juicy – I am at a loss as to how this person got here, when they were looking for the aforementioned softcore altporn.

1920’s 1930 1940 harlot whore prostitute dancer – Was this person looking for harlot whore prostitute dancers from each of these decades or a certain one who spanned all of them?

tyra banks and his boyfriend – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

1930’s gentleman farmer fashion – This gentleman knows where it’s at.

feather duster in vagina –  That…seems…unsanitary?

james madison president and benjamin franklin cartoon – We love few things as much as clipart. Except maybe all other things.

be your beard – Yes, and inherit the wind while you’re at it!

big pussy big ass big booty – BIG SAVINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

preteen nude pagan dance –  If by ‘preteen’ you mean ‘adult,’ by ‘nude’ you mean ‘fully clothed,’ and by ‘pagan’ you mean ‘we prefer to be called nature-spirit-revivalists,’ then yes, that’s how we dance, thanks for asking!

hemingway’s boat: everything he loved in life, and lost – A great book, b.t.dubs, but why they thought we would ever use such a legitimate source is beyond me.

subject: fw: when you marry an italian (bada bing, bada boom) – MRG resents this but it’s also probably in the inbox of at least  half of her relatives. And also probably her own.

she was a golden brown presence, burned by the tuscan sun and with a golden glint in her warm brown hair. – Is this one about Beyonce??

hello kitty anal sex – This image retrospectively ruined my childhood.

erotic paintings to put on facebook – I’m so glad you found our website.

prostitutes in santa fe nrweeee – Yes, prostitutes in Santa Fe Never Ride Without Eating Early Eggs Everyday.

profession sexfucking bulefilm – It’s a type of arthouse movie. Classic French New-Wave, you know.

sexy alexander hamilton costume – Mm. Hmm. Hmm? Not the worst idea we’ve ever heard?

carl weathers sex partners – MRG, LHB, and JAF? Hahaha what no way. Maybe?

i know monks masturbate at night, that pet cats screw, that some girls bite, and yet what can i do to set things right? — an original poem by Ernest Hemingway.

briefly describe the role of hermes in black orpheus. why do you think the filmmakers inserted him into the story – Maybe he functions as most benevolent supernatural characters in Greek mythology do: as a guide or third party that brings the main characters towards their emotional denouments and moves the plot through necessary exposition and explaination not assigned as dialogue. Or maybe you should have just watched the fucking movie before you had to write this paper.

does+lu+zhi+love+liu+bang+at+all??? – Our magic eight ball says don’t use a google search for such sensitive questions.

colin firth silly – UGH. Ugh. MRG is having a hard time keeping her pants on picturing Colin giggling.

fucking rilke – You shut your goddam mouth, the man’s a genius.  Unless you’re suggesting that we should fuck Rilke.  In which case, we’re totally on the same page.

what is the title of the movie in which a woman from spain is sent to a convent and she gets pregnant and to prevent a scandal they had to be secret about it– My, that is awfully specific. Anyone? JAF, weigh in here? It’s called Citizen Kane. -JAF


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