Being Black is the Pitts. (Too much? Well, it’s our blogoversary so get over it!)Posted: March 18, 2012
We may not be posting quite as much as we were in our first month of blogging (we’re writing our theses right now, so deal with it), but we are mighty proud of how far we’ve cum. Although, clearly the puns haven’t gotten any better.
In honor of this milestone, we’re going to just do a little collection of scandalous titbits, I mean tidbits, that give us that special tingly feeling in our nether regions that we love so much. Because isn’t that what first birthdays are all about? Uh, Yeah.
This birthday extravaganza is coming to you in three separate posts. First, this little diddy from yours truly, next a special little sumthin’ from MRG, and next a steamy sexploit from JAF. If you like what you read, do share it with your scandal-loving buddies so that they, too, can feel the tingle.
Being Black is the Pitts? (Too much?): Be Quiet. I get it. Frederick Douglass, an American slave, was a badass who never did anything wrong. You know what I say to that? Who says scandals have to be wrong? ZING! Frederick Douglass, one of the most world-class ack-blays ever to fight for BOTH the abolition of slavery AND the rights of women (at the SAME TIME), sported the first afro in the history of United States.*
But that’s not even why he was so awesome. He ALSO was a quite the ladies man. You know what they say about big hair. Douglass (with two s’s, motherfucker) married his first wife, Anna in 1838 after he escaped from, you know, SLAVERY to be with her! They settled down in NYC and had five kids. Douglass went on to become besties with Lincoln, and help him solve all the country’s problems.
When he shot into the public eye, a lot of single ladies started to pay attention to him. Namely Julia Griffiths, the prominent English abolitionist, who Douglass hired to live with him and tutor his wife and his children. Hmmm. She eventually became his “administrative assistant.” One of her duties involved managing his schedule, which often involved the two of them being alone together until late at night. Also, she was white. People in Rochester, NY (where I may or may not live) grew accustomed to seeing the black man walking arm in arm with his best bud, the white lady. Also, I was lying before when I said she was single. She was married. Making that whole relationship all the more interesting.
Next, FDoug set his sights on Ottilie Davida Assing. Actually, the little German frau set her sights on him. She read his book, and was like, “I’ve got to bone, I mean meet, this guy.” So she jumped in her horse and carriage and hightailed it to Rochester where the two met and began a 25 year “friendship.”
Two years after wife #1 kicked it, Douglass fell in love. For real. The lucky bitch was the daughter of one of Douglass’ abolitionist colleagues. The couple endured a veritable shitstorm of controversy. For starters, she was white and he was black. She was also almost 20 years younger than him. Her family completely disowned her, and his children were super pissed because their mother was only two years dead. So, you know, probably exactly the same reaction if the same thing were to happen today.
But you know what Douglass said to people who were drinking the haterade? He said, “My first wife was the color of my mother, and my second wife was the color of my father.” So, he was pretty much just trying to even shit out, you know?
*This is probably untrue because I made it up.
Stay tuned for MRG’s forthcoming post, It’s Our Blogoversary and I’ll Post What I Want To, and JAF’s post which is TBD, but will undoubtedly be super hipster and all around badass. Just like our buddy Frederick.