For Shame! Ruins Your Childhood: A Theme Week.Posted: July 2, 2012
It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for…announcementz!!!
First, A REALLY FUCKING EXCITING DEVELOPMENT IN FORSHAMELAND (which is a real place):
WE HAVE ADDED A NEW BLOGGER! Why, you ask?
Well, sometimes when a mommy blogger (LHB) and a daddy blogger (JAF) and their weird single neighbor who comes over too often but everyone’s afraid to bring it up (me, MRG) love each other very, very much, they decide that it’s time to bring into the blogosphere a baby blogger. Also, sometimes mommy, daddy, and weird neighbor have a lot of real-world stuff going on, and they need another blogger around to help pick up some of the slack. LHB, JAF, and myself are sort of busy these days, what with fellowships and grad school and unemployment, so we decided to add to our brood. And we are pleased as punch to introduce our new addition……………..KAB!!!
But you remember her, right? She’s the one who wrote that kickass post about F. Scott and Zelda that sort of made the rest of us look bad. So when it came time to choose our new writer, well, there was really no choice to make. We’re so, so happy to have her, and you should be, too. YAY! HAPPY HAPPY YAY FOREVER!
Second: THEME MOTHERFUCKING WEEK. A few questions:
Did you love your precious and fleeting youth?
Did you read a lot during said precious and fleeting youth?
Do you look back on those days you spent exploring the magical world of reading with warmth and nostalgia, because you’ve lost the ability to lose yourself in your own innocence?
Ever wonder how much sex Ann M. Martin was having when she wrote Claudia and the Phantom Phone Calls?
Well, maybe we’re not specifically answering that last one because Ann is still alive (thank GAWD) and therefore misses our only requirement for our subjects. And also I would never fucking do that to her because she has a killer set of full bangs and she taught me how to be friends with other girls.
BUT WE WILL BRING YOU THE SORDID TALES OF LUST AND LOVE BEHIND SOME OF YOUR OTHER FAVORITE CHILDREN’S LITERATURE!!!!!!!!!!!1
That’s right. This week’s theme week is ALL ABOUT SKANKY CHILDREN’S AUTHORS. Get ready to feel real weird.
I’m going to kick things off by exploring the polyamourous, borderline bigamist stylings of Mr. William Moulton Marston, AKA Charles Moulton, AKA the dude who created Wonder Woman (and hey, I know that some of you might suggest that comics don’t count as literature but my nerdier friends assure me that you should suck it because they totally count).
And then we’ll all be treated to a little pedophilia/adultery courtesy of J.M. Barrie, the Peter Pan guy, care of our NEW OFFICIAL FULL-TIME AUTHORIZED 100% AUTHENTIC NEW BLOGGER KAB!!!!!!!!1
Next, LHB will bring us some Narnia-level sexiness about the life of C.S. Lewis, hopefully using a large lion as a Christ figure throughout her post, because obviously.
And JAF, god bless her, is living in a very scary and wild place where there is NO INTERNET. I know. Breathe. I know. Such purgatory exists here on Earth, my friends, and we must pray for JAF’s tender soul as she faces this trial. But if her WiFi sucks less or if she can make it to a Starbucks, she’ll try to write up a little ditty herself. WE’RE HERE FOR YOU, JAF (even though you can’t read this because of the no-internet thing). The bright side, as LHB so cleverly pointed out, is that JAF is essentially doing immersive research on History, because in History there was no internet (I know, right??!?). So brave. So young and so brave.
Anyway, look for the first installment of For Shame! Ruins Your Childhood TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!1